


Under the Sunlight

by Shells19



Series: Life's Never Easy [4]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Frigga is a horrible human being, Laufey is a horrible human being, Loki Angst, Loki is hot, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Odin is a horrible human being, Protective!Thor, Tattoos, Virgin!Thor, first-time sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-18 11:41:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3568355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shells19/pseuds/Shells19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As school comes to a close, Thor’s ready to spend his break with Loki, browsing through college brochures. He’s ready for the easy life, for a time free from stress and controlling parents. But things can change in an instant, and Thor’s about to experience that first-hand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome to this Place

            Closing his textbook, Thor sighed and leaned back against the wall, his arms spreading out for a well-needed stretch. Exams were coming to a close and Thor had one more before he was finished entirely with his high-school career. The very notion was shocking to him – he’d worked hard to reach the moment, but it never seemed as though he was close enough. But now that he was at the very end … well, it was rather surreal. The amount of hours he’d wasted with studying and stressing and preparing for his exams were quite extensive, but they weren’t as painful as he thought them to be – it probably had something to do with the man spread out on the floor, jet black hair put up into a messy bun and a highlighter sticking out of his mouth, a concentrated look in his intense, emerald green eyes. The sight put a smile on Thor’s face.

            “So, I’m tired,” Thor said, breaking the silence that had lasted for over three hours. After another good stretch, he moved across the bed, planting his feet on the floor. His back was aching and his legs were definitely asleep, but he ignored all of that in favour of staring at Loki, who had yet to move an inch from where he was, eyes glued to his textbook. He had been rather adamant about reading the entire thing. Thor had thought he was joking, but seeing as how he was already on page – he craned his neck to see – one hundred and twenty three, Thor realised that he shouldn’t underestimate Loki’s desire to pass his exams.

            A thought occurred to him then. Loki was very clear about taking care of his family. He had passed every exam that was put in front of him – Thor would know, since he was always checking and asking. The sight that he was seeing now, Thor wondered if this was how Loki was when preparing for any test and exam, if this was how he handled any situation that was laid out in front of him – with preparation and a complete understanding of every single detail.

            His wondering was probably correct, because Loki didn’t even stir when Thor spoke, as though he was completely lost in the world of biology. Perhaps he should just leave him to it and go take a walk around the house. It was a little after five in the afternoon. Agatha was at a friend’s house, since they were going to be studying. Farbauti was still at work, having taken yet another extra shift. Perhaps a break would do him well, just long enough to stretch his legs, maybe put something in his stomach before climbing back onto the bed and taking more notes on the philosophy of Mayan traditions.

            He was halfway to the door before he slowed to a stop, his eyes once again coming to rest on Loki. They didn’t have school today and Loki had been up before him, books from three different subjects already splayed out in front of him on the floor, notebooks, pens, and highlighters at arm’s reach. Leaving him wasn’t an option. Thor didn’t even want to think of the headache Loki would probably have in the morning after staring at such tiny words.

            “Hey, Loki,” Thor called from the doorway, mind already made. “How about we go grab something to eat? I think we’ve done enough studying for a while. Let’s relax a bit.”

            “I’m good,” Loki replied after almost a full minute, as though he just realised that Thor was talking to him. God, he knew Loki was serious about studying and making good marks, but damn. “Just bring me a Red Cow when you come back.”

            Thor paused, unsure if he should laugh or physically drag Loki away from the books. He was way too focussed on his studies, which wasn’t a bad thing, but it kind of was with how long he’d been staring at those books. A break was definitely in order. “I’m going to assume you mean a Red _Bull_ , but you can grab it yourself. We’re taking a break and I’m not taking no for an answer.”

            “No.”

            He should have known he’d get that answer. Shaking his head, Thor moved back into the room, standing beside Loki on the floor. “The exam is tomorrow. How are you going to concentrate when you have a fucking migraine? Stop being stubborn – get your ass up and let’s do something for a while before coming back to it.”

            Thor was completely unperturbed when Loki groaned and cursed under his breath before rolling over onto his back, looking up at Thor with a look between frustration and … well, that was just it – frustration. But honestly, Thor was doing him a favour. It hadn’t been the first time all semester that Loki had studied himself into a migraine. And dealing with a Loki with a migraine wasn’t fun in Thor’s opinion. It was rather annoying, actually.

            “I have to pass, Thor,” Loki said after a moment of silence. The frustration in his eyes dimmed some, giving way to resignation. It wasn’t a burden that Loki was putting on himself; it was just simple fact. Thor realised that. He had been living with him, Farbauti, and Agatha for months now, had been well-aware of the financial situation they were under. “And it’s _exams_ , as in plural. I have biology at eight, calculus at eleven, and literature at two.”

            But none of that meant that Loki had to put himself through hell. Thor understood _that_ , too.

            “You’ve been studying for the past month. You know all of this material,” Thor squatted down and leaned his arms on the tops of his knees, making sure to keep his expression open and relaxed and understanding. Loki didn’t take pity well and, even though he didn’t necessarily pity him, sometimes Thor allowed himself to think and feel for his new family in a way that Loki might actually misconstrue as such. “All I’m asking is for you to have dinner with me … a mini-date, if you will,” He finished with a grin.

            Loki snorted tiredly and lifted his hands, placing them over his eyes. Thor knew right then that he had Loki, had won in the battle. He grinned and leaned down. Ignoring the ache in his legs, he wrapped his hand loosely around Loki’s wrist, squeezing just slightly. Loki separated his fingers and peered up at Thor through the gaps. Thor smiled and shook his hand some, dislodging at least one, allowing him full view of those emerald greens.

            “Picture this – we’re sitting at the counter with grilled cheese sandwiches to go with this frigid weather. Chips are to our right, Red _Cows_ are to our left –” Thor’s smile widened when Loki broke into a laugh. The sound was _beautiful_ , like Loki hadn’t meant to laugh at all, but Thor surprised one on him. He took Loki’s other hand, Loki’s fingers wrapping immediately around his, and pulled him up. He placed his palms on either side of Loki’s hips, positioning himself right in front of Loki, their noses brushing they were so close.

            At first, it had been somewhat nerve-wracking to be in such close proximity and not deviate eye-contact. The act had been intrusive and just way too close for Thor’s comfort. But honestly … it didn’t feel that way for long. Because it didn’t take much effort at all to close the distance between them, lips just barely touching, but it was enough to send shocks shooting throughout the entirety of Thor’s body. He felt it from the top of his head, all the way down to the tips of his toes. His heart pounding was a comforting feeling, because it was associated with Loki. And if Thor was being truthful to himself, any sensation that caused his chest to tighten had everything to do with Loki. Just _thinking_ about him had Thor’s head becoming dizzy.

            “What do you say?” Thor finally said when they pulled away, foreheads pressed against one another. “Will you have this mini-date with me?”

            “Can you be any cornier?” Loki asked in return, shaking his head in amusement and what Thor thought to be exasperation. It was a look that he was beginning to associate with Loki a lot. Anything that he said was taken as such, and Thor found that he truly didn’t mind, because his voice might sound vexing, but the twinkle in his eye was complete adoration. And Thor fucking loved that look.

            “You aren’t saying no.”

            Loki hummed, his fingers running up Thor’s arms, up his neck, and finally, tangling in his shoulder length blonde hair. “No. I’m not.”

            It was confirmation, an acceptance to his offer, but Thor didn’t move to lead Loki into the kitchen where he would then prepare their dinner. Instead, he leaned in once more, his lips pressing firmly against Loki’s. He pulled at Loki’s bottom lip, suckling it between his own. They’d kissed before, had sat up at night wrapped up in each other’s arms, lips glued together until they were both panting and coated in a light sheen of sweat. They’d kissed so many times since they’d gotten together, but it never felt old. On the contrary, Thor’s heart still pounded whenever he so much as thought about pressing himself against Loki, kissing the air right out of his lungs. And to know that Loki’s heart, too, slammed against his rib-cage whenever he trailed his fingers over his skin, causing goose-bumps to rise on his arms, well, it made it all worth it in Thor’s mind.

            When they broke apart, Loki didn’t pull back. Instead, he did something that Thor wasn’t expecting. He left a small trail of kisses down his jaw-line, along his neck. And all the while, his hands were moving along the ends of Thor’s shirt, slowly pulling it up, Loki’s cool fingers against his stomach causing him to shiver. The kissing only broke off enough for Loki to pull his shirt up and over his head. Thor had been shirtless in front of Loki before, often trailing into the room after a hot shower, nothing but his pyjama bottoms on, preparing for bed, but this was one of the few rare times that Loki’s eyes slowly roamed over his body. The look was almost predatory, hungry, as though Loki wanted nothing more than to run his hands along tan flesh and map every single freckle, kiss every inch of skin he could get his lips on – and for all Thor knew that could actually be the case.

            But that’s not what Loki did. Instead, he moved to Thor’s side, lips all the while trailing along his collar-bone, as though using that as a guide to get to his destination. A hand remained planted against his stomach, while the other one – the right one – ran along Thor’s back. Thor kept still, nothing but his eyes following Loki. He wondered if Loki could feel how he was slightly trembling, if he could hear the unevenness of his breath, or perhaps his heart pounding inside of his chest. If Loki did, he didn’t say anything. Thor couldn’t decide if he liked that or not. Of course, he didn’t have the chance to ponder that query for long, because Loki soon found his tattoo, which he no longer had to hide.

            A kiss was planted over the tattoo, Loki’s lips soft and tender, and Thor soon realised that his tattoo had been Loki’s designated destination all along. He turned his head and watched as he kissed both faces, the hand that had been running along his back coming up and tracing the darker lines of the tattoo. Every move that Loki made was precise and as soft as a caress. Thor was sure that Loki was aware of his trembling. And honestly, he had no idea why he was.

            Emerald green eyes lifted just high enough to keep his gaze. “You’re my sun,” He said.

            When the words slipped from his mouth, Thor was stumped. He furrowed his brow and almost laughed at the words, because _what_? But the humour immediately seeped from his face when he realised exactly what Loki was saying. ‘Sun’ and ‘son’ sounded so similar, and he was foolish and just out of his mind for thinking that Loki meant the latter when it was clear that he was referring to the former. And just as soon as that was cleared and Thor could properly process his words, the pounding in his heart from earlier paled in comparison to how he was practically thundering furiously in his chest now, because …

            “What?”

            “You said it before – that I was the moon in your tattoo. It’s was months ago, I don’t know if you still remember it now –”

            “I remember,” Thor interjected with a firm voice before Loki could say anything else, because he needed Loki to know that he remembered, could re-call every minute detail that took place on that day, because that was the day that he truly felt something _more_ for him.

            “I felt it then, too, knew that you meant more to me than just a friend, than just a significant other,” Loki continued, the expression on his face serious and open and clearer than Thor ever thought possible. It was then that he realised just how badly Loki was shaking and, before he could think about what he was doing, Thor turned and wrapped his arms around Loki’s waist, keeping him far enough to where he could look at him, but close enough to where he could run his hands up and down his body. Just the thought of letting him go was just non-existent.

            Thor didn’t say anything to what Loki had said. It wasn’t as though he couldn’t think of anything to say, because he certainly had a lot to say to it, despite the slight fear that ran down his spine. It wasn’t fear of admitting his feelings, though. No, it was fear of the huge step that they would be taking. Because if it was truly what Thor thought it to be …

            His silence must have clued into Loki that he was waiting for him to continue, because he let out a shaky breath and resumed speaking. “I had to be sure. I’ve been hurt before and … and I was scared, because I didn’t want to feel that again, you know? It takes a lot for me to trust, but with you … it was terrifying how fast I knew I could trust you. I _wanted_ to trust you. And I just …” Loki trailed off, staring at Thor with so much emotion … Thor swallowed thickly.

            Lifting a hand, Thor ran it down the side of Loki’s face, cupping his cheek. Loki leaned into him and closed his eyes briefly, as though using Thor to gain the courage to continue. “You just what …?”

            “I love you.”

            Thor’s brain stopped working and he was sure that his heart did, too. Breathing became difficult and his muscles tensed up, locking him into place, because he knew that Loki hadn’t said what he did. But looking at him, seeing the expression on his face, the fear and the worry and the truth in his words … He didn’t think when he leaned down and gently pressed his lips to Loki’s, didn’t think when he wrapped him up closer, pulling him forward until he was completely flushed against his body. And when the kiss ended, Thor just held onto Loki, his face buried in the crook of his neck, his eyes watering and his own emotions taking him in so many directions, because was this how it felt to be loved? He couldn’t think, couldn’t speak, could do anything but hold Loki, squeeze his arms around him and never let him go, because they were both so fucking screwed up, both so dysfunctional and polar opposites, but they fit together so perfectly, it was as though they were lost and finally found again. Loki held onto him with such strength, more strength than Thor had thought he even possessed, and he revelled at the feel, loving the way it felt to be held, to be coveted and wanted and needed in a way that was primal and desired.

            Thor had lost the ability to speak, but he pulled away just slightly, just enough to look at Loki. Swallowing once more, licking his lips, working his mouth open, Thor looked at Loki and said: “You are my moon,” He nodded his head after he said it, as though etching his words into stone, as though they were sanctified and sacred and permanent, as though nothing in the world could change how he felt in that moment.

            They couldn’t take their eyes off of each other. And when Loki eventually started laughing – almost hysterically, really, if Thor was being honest – it still didn’t ruin the moment, because nothing in the fucking world could ruin that moment now. “God, what the fuck does that even mean?”

            But he knew what that meant. Thor knew that he did. And it was in that moment that Thor had the courage to return the words. “It means I love you, too.”

            The step had been taken.

            Dipping his head down, Thor captured Loki’s lips once more. The kiss was much slower, but there was a different meaning to it this time, something powerful and deeper and something profoundly more intimate than anything they had ever shared before. Loki leaned in closer and Thor kept one hand cupping Loki’s cheek while the other wound around his back, keeping him firmly pressed against his body. Heat pooled into the pit of his stomach, causing his entire body to flush. He gasped into Loki’s mouth, his eyes squeezed shut tightly as he relished in the feel of Loki’s lips working along with his own.

            Cool hands slid down his body, lowering the high temperature his body took. Without regards to how it would be taken, Thor let out a soft moan, breath coming out more like a pant now than anything. When he opened his eyes, Loki was staring hard at him. But what caused Thor’s eyes to widen slightly was the look in Loki’s. The emerald green was almost swallowed by the pupil, his eyes dilated in – _oh_. All at once Thor connected the pieces – the dilation, the close proximity of their bodies, the declaration of feelings towards each other, the kiss … and Thor could feel his body re-acting to everything. The heat, the way it was all pooled in the bottom of his stomach, the way he felt his penis hardening.

            He knew that he found Loki attractive, but to truly know just how much he meant to Loki … to know that Loki was re-acting the same way that he was, his own body betraying him … Thor felt dizzy and overwhelmed, but it was the good kind, the kind that didn’t make him as afraid as he would have been if he wasn’t so sure of the moment.

            Thor watched with his mouth slightly gaped as Loki took a step back and slowly pulled his shirt off, the toned paleness of his stomach and chest coming into view. And God was he beautiful. His skin was unblemished and … Almost immediately, Thor’s gaze travelled down Loki’s body until it came to rest on the tattoo that was just peaking over the hem of his jeans. Swallowing thickly, Thor looked up and caught Loki’s gaze, a silent question in his eyes.

            Loki smiled and ran his hands down Thor’s arms, coming to rest on his forearms. “It looks like you’ll finally get to see.”

            And it was so fucking surreal, but Thor didn’t wait, didn’t hesitate. Leaning down, Thor immediately took Loki’s lips once more, running his tongue along the seam until Loki opened his mouth, allowing him in. All the while, Thor’s hands shook as they travelled down Loki’s stomach, shook as they finally came to rest at the top of his jeans, right where the button rested. His heart was pounding so fast. He broke off the kiss and looked down. Loki’s cock was half-hard, straining against the confinements of his jeans. One flick of his thumb and the jeans would be open. Thor looked up at Loki and opened his mouth, ready to speak, only to fall silent. Doubt suddenly crossed his mind. Would Loki laugh? Would he put a stop to what was happening? The very notion of Loki doing any of that had Thor’s hands tightening their grip from where he was holding, because he didn’t want Loki to go, didn’t want to feel the cold chill of his absence.

            As though sensing his unease, Loki reached a hand up and ran it along his neck before coming to rest in his hair. Thor leaned into the grip, forcing himself to open his eyes and meet Loki’s. “Is this your first time?”

            Thor didn’t allow himself to feel self-conscious. This was Loki, after all. He had nothing to fear from him. “Yeah, it is.”

            Loki smiled softly. “Then I’ll show you.”

            Relief surged into Thor, making him give a choking laugh. He smiled at Loki, trusting him with all his heart. Loki leaned into Thor, and it was pure instinct that had Thor wrapping his arms around him, keeping them pressed together. But what Loki did … Thor hadn’t been expecting. He started rolling his hips against Thor’s, and Thor gasped in surprise at the sensations that flashed before his eyes, causing him to see an explosion of stars for a moment before he was able to blink back in clarity. Loki was watching him, his eyes almost completely black. He rolled his hips once more and Thor felt himself hardening all the more, a feeling of absolute pleasure rippling throughout his entire body. His hands tightened around Loki.

            “I’m sure you’ve masturbated before, yes?” Loki casually asked, though his voice sounded slightly breathless. “This is going to feel so much better, I assure you of that.”

            “What do you want me to do?” Thor found himself asking, unsure of what needed to be done. Or … of course, that wasn’t the case. He wasn’t an idiot, after all. He knew how sex worked. He knew of _how_ sex worked, but he hadn’t actually participated in the act itself, which was cause for his nervousness. Or was that the right word? Unease seemed a better fit in Thor’s mind – nervous he was not, but not knowing exactly what to do with his hands had him somewhat frozen, hands pressed flush against the small of Loki’s back. “I don’t –”

            “Relax, Thor,” Loki said, looking up at him with sincerity in his eyes. He looked like an angel, but acted like a fucking devil, because as soon as the words were out of his mouth – instead of rolling his hips as he had been doing – Loki thrusted his lower half against Thor, clothed cocks meshing together, and Thor couldn’t help but groan out, pleasure pulsating all through him. His fingers dug into Loki’s back. “What’s going to happen is you’re going to fuck me.”

            Another shot of arousal hit Thor, causing his breath to escape him. “I …”

            Loki hummed and leaned forward, their lips coming together once more. It was sweet and Thor could tell that Loki was just as turned on by what was happening. His breath was coming out in quick bursts and there was a slight trembling to his limbs. But he seemed sure and confident with what he was doing, and Thor could take comfort in the fact that whatever was going to happen was going to happen at Loki’s accord, Loki’s control.

            “Take off your pants,” Loki said against his lips, hands trailing down Thor’s body.

            It was an order Loki gave to Thor, but he did it himself. His cool fingers were a striking difference to the heat that was practically radiating off their bodies, surrounding them. Thor leaned into Loki while he unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, his head falling forward, coming to a rest in the crook of Loki’s neck. He couldn’t help himself then – he pressed a kiss to the skin there, and Loki’s breath hitched, a full-body shiver going right through him. Thor felt his entire body re-acting to that very motion.

            Thor felt the moment his jeans were undone. It was as though he could breathe again. A moan slipped from his lips and he groaned when he felt Loki’s hands sliding over his hips, slowly moving lower and lower – only to pause. And in that moment, Thor had never wanted anything more than for Loki to touch him, to feel him grasp him in the most intimate way possible. A part of him wondered if he should feel nervous or anxious or self-conscious, and Thor came to realise that he was, but his want and need of Loki over-shadowed that. And Loki pausing was a silent question, asking Thor without words if it was all right to proceed. Thor pressed his lips once more against Loki’s neck, taking a small step closer. Perhaps that was answer enough.

            A strangled noise escaped Thor when he felt Loki’s hand palming his erection, his entire body jerking at the sharp sensation. It was nothing like masturbation. He knew what it felt like to come by his own hand, but to feel Loki’s hand over him, to feel the way Loki’s hand and his underwear rubbed against his cock … Thor could hardly stand it.

            “Pull your pants down, Thor,” Loki said, voice strained.

            It took almost a full minute before Thor realised that Loki was telling him what to do, a full minute of rolling his hips against Loki’s hand, trying to get as much friction as he possibly could. But when he did realise that Loki was talking to him – and after he was able to comprehend exactly what it was that Loki was telling him – Thor followed the direction, hands working to pull his jeans entirely off of his hips, pulling them down as much as he could without having to bend too much. He kicked them the rest of the way off, his hands then coming to rest on Loki’s hips.

            Then he was able to take stock of another detail that popped out before him. “You’re still dressed.”

            Loki hummed in acknowledgement. “I am. But I’m trying to take care of you first, Thor.”

            Thor shook his head and leaned forward, catching Loki’s lips in a quick kiss that was rather sloppy, but Thor didn’t really give a damn. It felt and tasted amazing, and it only made electricity shoot through him all the more. Any contact at that point caused the same re-action. “I want to see you.”

            “You are seeing me. I have no shirt on,” Not only could Thor see the smirk, but he could feel it, too.

            He narrowed his eyes and squeezed Loki’s hips. “You know what I mean.”

            “Stop talking and just enjoy what I’m giving you.”

            “I want you to give me more.”

            “So impatient you’ve turned out to be,” Loki tutted, pulling his hand away from Thor’s erection.

            His heart was pounding, but Thor didn’t say anything. Instead, he watched as Loki moved his hands to his own jeans, deftly undoing the button and pulling down the zipper, though he paused – the fucker – for dramatic effect before pulling them down, finally revealing the tattoo that was just beside the V-cut. It was positioned rather low, and Thor was curious as to why he chose that place, but honestly, it was a question for another time.

            “What is it?” Thor asked, glancing up and gaining a short nod from Loki before reaching down, running his fingers along the length of the tattoo.

            “It’s a sceptre.”

            “What is it for?” Perhaps the correct question would have been _why_ , but whatever.

            “Wouldn’t you like to know?” Loki smirked once more.

            Thor gaze snapped back up to Loki’s, shock filling his gaze. “You’re not going to tell me? Are you serious?”

            “Can’t I have a little mystery in my life?”

            “You’re a mystery wrapped up in one, Loki,” Thor said, staring hard at him. But no matter how hard he stared at him, Loki wouldn’t budge. He just stared back, the smirk smug.

            Mimicking Loki’s previous actions, trying not to over-think exactly what it was he was doing, Thor reached out, moved his hand down and slightly to the left, pressing his hand against Loki’s half-hard dick. The action resulted in Loki’s smirk immediately dropping, his mouth falling open at the pleasant feel. It was such a sight to see Loki’s face flushing, to see how his breath stuttered and grew uneven when Thor started to rub his palm up and down. The action was jerky and hesitant – Thor was rather inexperienced, after all, unsure exactly of what to do to pleasure another – but he soon grew more confident at the sounds Loki was making, in the way he started rutting against Thor’s hand whenever he reached a certain spot. The sight alone had Thor’s cock tenting in his underwear.

            And it was then that he realised that they were standing practically against one another, both naked except for their underwear. He couldn’t believe that it was going to happen, that the two of them were going to have sex with one another. He was probably feeling ridiculous, his concern was probably for nothing, but it was still so strange, so surreal. The thoughts going through his head were everywhere, bouncing around and making it really hard for Thor to focus on much of anything. They were in their underwear, standing against one another. Who was going to fuck who? Was that even going to happen? Was it going to hurt? What was he supposed to do with his hands, and now that he thought about that, he felt as though the one that wasn’t palming Loki was just mechanically holding onto Loki’s hip, as though it were just there to be there, and it should be doing something else, shouldn’t it?

            He was saved – not for the first time – by Loki, who leaned forward and pressed their lips together once more. One arm wrapped around Thor’s neck, pulling him down further, deepening the kiss until Thor could feel their teeth grinding against one another. Loki’s other hand went to Thor’s hand – the one that was still palming him – and stopped it.

            “Once you stop thinking, this’ll become a whole lot easier,” Loki said when they finally pulled away. He was out of breath, his body trembling – probably due to anticipation and arousal – but his gaze was steady, anchoring Thor down once more.

            “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

            Loki stepped back just slightly, but it was enough for Thor to feel the absence. “This is your first time. It’s going to be awkward. But it can and will also feel good. That’s your job to trust me. Can you do that?”

            Thor nodded his head.

            “Then there isn’t anything you should worry about,” Loki continued and, after another quick kiss, he pulled away entirely before pointing to the bed. “Get on it and take off your underwear. I’m going to grab the lube.”

            Swallowing thickly, Thor watched for a moment as Loki turned around and moved to the dresser. Of course, he’d have the lube there. Who doesn’t have lube stashed in their dresser? He probably had it – ah, yes, stuffed in a sock. Turning to the bed, Thor took a steady breath before moving towards it. Right before he climbed into bed, he took off his underwear, trying not to feel so self-conscious about the fact that he would be bare to Loki. And then he was lost in his thoughts once more. What was he supposed to do with his hands? God, he hated hands sometimes. They were just there, hanging around, being everywhere, and there was no position that was casual for them to be in while propped naked in bed. And that was another thing – _how_ was he supposed to lie in bed? Should he just lie flat and stare at the ceiling? Should he pose himself? That just sounded stupid …

            All thoughts went flying out the window, though, when Thor turned his attention back to Loki and fucking watched as he pulled his underwear down, revealing his ass and he had absolutely no idea what to even do, because Loki’s back was still turned away from him, and he just fucking casually kicked his underwear off to the side. _What was he supposed to do?_ And then when Loki turned around, revealing himself to Thor … God, he couldn’t even breathe. He lost the ability, staring at Loki, staring _entirely_ at him. His body was pale, muscles lean and, as Thor’s eyes travelled down – slowly, because he couldn’t miss a single detail – Loki’s cock was flushed, the head swollen, beads of pre-cum just barely visible.

            He just … without even knowing exactly what was happening until it had actually happened, Thor felt his body go through the motions, his load shooting off at the very sight of Loki. It wasn’t much – just a squirt of cum before Thor was able to snap out of it and gain a hold of himself – but it was certainly enough for his face to turn a dark shade of red, for his legs to give out and for him to fall heavily into a sitting position on the edge of the bed. Humiliation washed over him to the point where he felt like he would rather stop everything and hide until the moment was forgotten than do anything else. God, what the fuck –

            “Thor,” Loki said his voice as casual as it was when he had asked Thor to take off his underwear. But it wasn’t enough for Thor to look up from where he now held his face in his hands, the heels pressed firmly into his eyes. An explosion of colours and shapes formed before his lids, and even that wasn’t enough to distract him, to take his mind off of his slip, his lack of control. God, Loki must think of him a fool. He almost jumped when he felt Loki’s cool hands on his wrists, not pulling at them, but merely holding them, waiting for Thor to be the one to remove them when he was ready. The thought and the intention behind Loki’s action – much to Thor’s anger and added humiliation – almost had tears spring into his eyes. What in the _hell_ was _happening?_ “Thor, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s all right.”

            Of course, that was easy for Loki to say, because he hadn’t fucking cummed at the mere sight of his naked boyfriend’s body! He pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes even more, trying with all his might to focus on the painful throb that had begun to pulse. Great – not only was he fucking mortified, but he was acting like a child by not even looking at Loki when he apparently didn’t care about what had happened. But it was clear that he couldn’t remain sitting on the bed naked – and holy shit, he completely forgot that he was still fucking sitting there nude as hell with his hands to his face like a baby … oh, and he had a hard-on, which was just icing to the shittest of all cakes – and ignoring Loki. That was just out of the question.

            “I mean,” Loki continued, his thumbs running gently circles over the sensitive skin of his wrists. “I don’t blame you. I have had many a men cumming at the sight of my body. You have nothing to be upset about. I would be the one in your position if you _hadn’t_ , so really, you’re doing me an honour.”

            A strange noise escaped Thor then, as though it was a mixture between a pitiful cry – he hated himself, he really, really did – and a laugh, because _of course_ Loki would say something like that. Of course he would make a joke of it, make it seem as though it was nothing at all, make Thor believe that it was nothing at all. Perhaps it wasn’t. Perhaps Thor was just over-reacting _again_ to something that hadn’t worked out the way that he imagined it would. But, honestly, could anyone blame him? He hadn’t done anything like this before, hadn’t gotten naked with another person before. He was charting on unfamiliar grounds now and Loki was his only guide.

            Swallowing thickly, willing himself to get a grip, Thor slowly eased his hands down from his eyes, forcing himself to look at Loki, who smiled small. The grip Loki had on his wrists didn’t disappear – if anything, they tightened in re-assurance. Loki leaned forward and knocked their foreheads gently together before leaning back. Thor hadn’t even heard Loki coming to rest on his knees in front of him. “I told you it would be awkward.”

            “I think the correct turn would be _utterly humiliated_ , but yeah, you did tell me that,” Thor found himself saying, his voice quiet. He wouldn’t know what to do with himself if he spoke any higher and his voice broke. He’d probably fling himself out the nearest window – though that wouldn’t work, because Loki’s house was on one level. Perhaps he would then just have to stab himself in the belly and suffer through the pain.

            Loki hummed and leaned back in, his lips just brushing over Thor’s. “I love you,” He said, pressing another kiss to the corner of his mouth before whispering: “I love you,” one more time. The pattern continued – Loki pressing kisses to various parts of Thor’s face before working his way down. Thor’s eyes shut, his breath stuttering. Loki’s voice was like a beacon, his words a mantra that calmed him down and brought him back to the surface without him even being aware of it.

            It was almost terrifying, the power that Loki held over Thor. But in that moment, Thor couldn’t give a damn. He would have let Loki do anything to him if it meant he wouldn’t stop.

            “Do you trust me?” Loki asked against his neck. Somehow, without Thor’s knowledge, Loki had wound up in his lap, his dick sandwiched between the two of them. He would rub himself against Thor’s stomach, the friction eliciting soft mews from him, which – naturally – sent shocks racing right through Thor.

            “Yes,” Thor breathed, his hands stationed firmly on Loki’s hips. His grip was so tight, he was sure that Loki would have bruises by the time they were finished. “God …”

            “We’re going to move on from this now,” Loki said, licking a strip up Thor’s neck. If he wanted Thor to concentrate then he would be wise to stop. As it were, Thor could barely count to three. But he forced himself to concentrate on the sound of Loki’s voice, taking his words in, and processing them. After all, Loki was the one in control right now. “You’re going to put a finger inside of me.”

            Thor’s eyes flew open at that, his entire body stilling. Shocked filled him, but at the same time … “What?” He had to be sure.

            “Uh-huh,” Loki replied, pulling away just enough to gage his re-action. He raised a brow. “This is your first time. I want you to have some control, too.

            Shifting, Thor watched as Loki planted his feet firmly on either side of Thor’s legs, his cock hanging heavily between his legs, still flushed, still swollen and twitching. He couldn’t help himself from swallowing thickly, his entire body thrumming with both nerves and excitement. Truly, he had no fucking idea what was happening, but he wanted to do this. He’d watched porn, knew what to do, but _how_ to properly do it was the question. Another wave of embarrassment filled him, but it was soon gone when Loki’s lips slammed against his, knocking him out of his thoughts. He really needed to stop thinking. It was clearly not the time – not when Loki was naked in his lap, not when their cocks were so close together, not when Loki’s lips were working against his own, his tongue licking into his mouth, claiming and firm and ever-present.

            “Give me your hand.”

            Thor did as Loki commanded. He removed his right hand from Loki’s hip and held it out; watching to see what Loki would do next. He was sure that he would lose control all over again when Loki took his hand, taking a finger and wrapping his lips around it. And he had no fucking clue if Loki was doing it on purpose, but he couldn’t help but think that it _was_ , because there was a twinkle in his eyes, a look that was just too fucking _Loki_ to be anything else.

            Thor watched with hooded eyes and Loki worked on his finger, his tongue running along the circumference, his saliva coating and wet. “Fuck, Loki …”

            “Yes,” Loki replied, coming off of Thor’s finger with a deafening _popping_ sound that went straight to Thor’s dick. “That’s exactly what you’re going to be doing,” He shifted again. “Now, take that finger and find my ass.”

            He couldn’t think. He couldn’t. Not fucking now …

            Eyes locking with Loki’s beautiful emerald green eyes, Thor leaned forward until their chests were pressed together, his left hand coming to rest on Loki’s ass. His right also came around, causing Thor and Loki to come even closer together, and – _he couldn’t fucking think!_ – Thor ran his finger along Loki’s hole, watching in delight as Loki shuddered. Those emerald green eyes slipped closed, hands coming to rest on either side of Thor’s face, using him as an anchor. He had barely done anything, but Thor could feel a slight tremor in Loki’s legs. The very notion that he was doing that to Loki, was causing that re-action, had Thor slowly pushing his finger into Loki’s ass, the muscles forming around his finger.

            Loki whimpered. “Fuck, have you done this b-before?”

            “No,” Thor replied, voice husky and deep. He slowly pushed his finger in more, watching as Loki’s face flushed. Fuck, he was beautiful.

            “Okay … okay …” Loki sounded as though he was trying to keep a level head, as though what Thor was doing now was already becoming too much for him to handle. Thor found that hard to believe, but the proof was sitting in front of him. Thor watched in a daze as Loki forced his eyes open and locked onto his. “I want you to now thrust your finger in and out of my ass. Keep pushing it in deeper.”

            Biting down on his bottom lip, Thor furrowed his brow as he did as Loki asked. This was new territory for Thor, having never so much as touched another person’s ass, no less inserting a finger. His head was spinning and his tanned skin was dusted with pink, sweat dripping down his back and running along his spine. Despite all of that, though, Thor couldn’t take his eyes off of Loki as he did as he was told, pulling his finger out and pushing it back in, deeper and deeper until his hand was flush against Loki’s ass. The veins in Loki’s neck were constricting and narrowing with each deep, quivering breath, his chest expanding, and Thor watched as Loki’s abs strained as pleasure wracked through him. And, God, all Thor wanted to do was close the distance between them and taste the sweat that made that pale white neck glisten.

            So he did.

            Loki hadn’t expected it, but that was probably the reason why his re-action was so perfect. His re-action had another shot of arousal slamming into Thor, causing his vision to blur to the point where he had no idea what up or down was. And it was all because Thor ran his tongue up the side of Loki’s neck.

            “Fuck,” Loki hissed, bending down and pressing his lips against Thor’s in a brutal kiss – one that had Thor falling back on the bed, his damp skin sticking to the sheets beneath him. “Are you sure you haven’t done this before, because you’re pushing all the right buttons.”

            Thor huffed out a small laugh, placing both hands on Loki’s hips. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure.”

            “Yeah, well, keep doing that,” Loki replied. He had a hand on either side of his head, and Thor found himself reaching up and grasping both wrists. He could feel the strength in them, knew that they held power from years and years of work, but there was also a delicateness to them that had Thor trusting him more than he ever thought possible. It was almost terrifying how much of himself he was willing and ready to give up to Loki. So much in fact that he felt himself tensing up some, his grip unconsciously tightening until he realised that Loki was still staring at him, one brow arched in question.

            “What do you want me to do next?” Thor asked instead, unsure if he was ready to have that conversation yet – especially not when he felt his member throbbing underneath Loki.

            “Kiss me.”

            It was so simple that Thor paused for a moment, unsure exactly what it was that Loki was asking of him. It was so simple that Thor felt his heart swell when Loki’s words processed within him, because it was in that moment that Thor fell in love with Loki all over again, because he knew just what to say, just what to do to make his worrying seem for naught. Swallowing thickly, Thor released one of Loki’s wrists and tangled his fingers through jet black hair, gripping it, and pulling Loki down until their lips were a breath away. They were sharing air, sharing a moment far too powerful for either of them to fully understand, but perhaps they weren’t meant to understand it – at least not yet. Thor leaned up just slightly and took Loki’s bottom lip into his mouth, rolling it back and forth with his teeth before sucking on it.

            “Are you ready?” Loki asked against Thor’s lips, when they had absolutely no choice but to pull away, the need for oxygen too great. If it wasn’t a necessity, Thor would have kept their lips moulded together, wouldn’t have allowed for any separation. The thought had a shot of thrill and nervousness rippling through him, but he didn’t allow himself to think any more about that.

            Nodding his head, Thor forced out a “Yeah,” before sitting himself up, taking Loki with him. His hands wrapped around Loki’s narrow waist, the position causing Thor to arch his head up to keep eye-contact. The action had Loki grinning down at him.

            “You’re beautiful,” Loki said absently, running his hand through Thor’s hair. The compliment had Thor’s heart racing. “Right, now you’re going to fuck me.”

            “Okay,” Thor said, cheeks flushing, because this was it. No time to fuck it up. He went to move, but found himself frozen, his head suddenly struggling with conflicting thoughts, mental images of all the ways he could fuck up this entire moment. He could miss and make himself look like a complete and utter ass. He could thrust too hard and twist at the same time, breaking his dick. Was that even possible? He was sure that that had to be possible, right, because it was a fucking muscle and muscles … could they break? They sure as hell could be damaged. Or what if Loki wasn’t satisfied, what if he was just lying there, limp, and staring up at Thor with a look of judgement on his face, because he couldn’t even fuck properly –

            “Thor,” Loki’s voice broke through the panicked scenarios that kept Thor locked into place. Loki leaned down and peppered kisses across his face. “I love you, but this thinking too much will kill me,” He placed his hands on either side of Thor’s face. “Take your cock, guide it to my ass, and push it in gentle. I’ll start and you will finish,” He paused before adding with a smirk: “By then, it’ll all be instinctual.”

            But – like before – Loki did the job for him. The feel of his fingers wrapping around his length brought a moan from his lips, his eyes fluttering closed at the way he stroked it just a few times before Thor felt the head of his cock pressing against the entrance of Loki’s ass. Loki paused for just a moment before he started lowering himself down, as though warning Thor of what was about to happen. His attention was split in half – one part of him focussed on the way Loki’s mouth opened in a silent gasp, his face flushing an even darker shade of red, the sweat on his skin more prominent than ever before. The other part of him was screaming in ecstasy, in the way his cock slid into Loki’s ass. He was tight and he could feel Loki’s walls expanding just enough to take him in. His vision blurred and his heart was hammering so hard against his rib-cage, he could barely stand it.

            “Oh, my God,” Thor gasped, not really giving a damn at how weak and breathless he sounded, so lost in the pleasure he was experiencing. He wasn’t going to last long, of that, Thor was sure. There was just no way.

            He could feel Loki’s hands skimming across his face until they tangled back into his hair, could feel the way his muscles were taut and strained, his thighs clenching tighter against his hips. And then he was moving, and Thor could feel his cock sliding out of Loki’s ass before coming back home. It was a slow rhythm, Loki moving up and down on him, clenching his ass to the point where Thor was sure he had tears escaping his lids, the pleasure almost too much for him to take. And it got to the point where Thor couldn’t help but thrust his hips up, pushing himself deeper inside of Loki, wanting to remain in the tight heat – not only that, but the sounds that derived from Loki had him getting harder and harder, even more desperate to keep it up.

            His orgasm came before he was even aware of it, the surprise ripping a cry from his lips, his hips suddenly bursting with energy, slamming up into Loki’s ass as he spilt his load. The sound of skin slapping against skin filled the room, along with Thor’s desperate mewls and Loki’s deep, ragging breath. He continued to thrust his hips inside of Loki until he felt himself go limp.

            “Finish me off,” Loki gasped out. His entire body was shaking and Thor had no control over his limbs. But Loki did and, after taking his hand and pulling him close, Thor realised what it was that Loki was asking. He was being really slow, but honestly, who could blame him? He could barely think.

            Wrapping his hand around Loki’s cock, Thor started pumping his fist. It was an act he was familiar with, something that he knew he could do and do right. Leaning forward, Thor pressed his lips against Loki’s neck, tasting sweat and something that was simply Loki. All the while, he pulled at Loki, his thumb rubbing along the head of his cock where a steady stream of cum was escaping. Thor knew that it wouldn’t be long before he came. He just needed a little something that would take him over the edge.

            He sank his teeth into the flesh at the junction between his neck and collar-bone. The action had Loki shouting out, his nails scraping down Thor’s back as he came hard. Thor knew that his back would bare the scratches of Loki’s nails digging into his skin, but he didn’t care. Hell, he would wear them with pride. He continued to stroke Loki’s shaft until he whined and placed his hand over Thor’s chest, all the while falling limp against him, his face pressed against his shoulder.

            For the longest time, nothing happened. They merely sat there, pressed against each other, trying to collect their breath. Thor was a mixture between content and nervous, which was an odd and somewhat contradictory feeling to have. He wanted to know how it felt, how Loki thought he did. And it was fucking stupid to want that acknowledgement, to know how well he handled himself, but Thor didn’t care – not in that moment. He sat there, trying to figure out how to word it. Nothing sounded right in his head. Or perhaps he just wasn’t thinking right. His limbs were still trembling due to the aftermath, his head spinning and his breath still coming out quicker than normal. And then there was Loki, who was still pressed against him, his body in a similar state of his own.

            “If you don’t stop thinking,” Loki suddenly said, jolting Thor back into the present. “I’m going to fuck the ability right out of you.”

            Thor swallowed heavily, heat racing to his crotch once more. With the emotions and feelings he was experiencing … “Do you think that’s the right thing to say to me right now?”

            He heard Loki hum and he honestly didn’t know if he loved Loki for it or hated him for it, because it was like another spike driving right through, causing his cock to twitch. And that fucker knew it, too, because he shifted his hips some, Loki’s ass rubbing against his dick. His heart was going to slam right out of his chest, he was sure of it.

            “What time is it?” Loki eventually asked.

            “Almost six,” Thor replied, confusion taking over before he was suddenly shoved down onto the mattress, Loki straddling him once more. His eyes widened.

            “We have time,” Loki said, running his hands along Thor’s chest before leaning down, capturing his lips in a quick kiss. “Now I’m going to show you how it feels to be the one fucked.”

            Thor was gone.


	2. I'll Show You Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As school comes to a close, Thor's ready to spend his break with Loki, browsing through college brochures. He's ready for the easy life, for a time free from stress and controlling parents. But things can change in an instant, and Thor's about to experience that first-hand.

            Loki was crouched down against the wall.

            For some odd reason, that was the first thing that Thor registered when he walked into the living room, his backpack resting over one shoulder. He had come home after his exam, wanting nothing more than to hang out with Loki until Farbauti came home with Agatha. His exams were over and he was free from the trials of school – at least until he went to college. But walking into the living room and seeing Loki crouched down against that wall … well, that wasn’t something that Thor had expected to see.

            The second thing that Thor noticed was the black and blue bruise that was on Loki’s chin. Why he hadn’t noticed that before was beyond him, a thought that he would probably think hard about for days to come, but it was enough to alert Thor of something amiss. It was as though he was suddenly seeing every little aspect about the scene in front of him. Loki crouched down against the wall. The bruise dark, painted on his face by what looked like a thumb. And if that was the case then Thor knew he’d see some more on the other side of Loki’s chin. He had only been gone for a handful of hours, but bruises that dark and in such a short span of time … He took in the way Loki was trembling, how his knees were pressed tightly to his chest, the way his shoulders curled on himself, as though he could shrink in size and become invisible.

            But what startled Thor the most about the scene was the expression on Loki’s face. He had seen it before, but seeing it from inside as opposed to outside like before … well. Thor felt as though the floor had been dropped from under him. The expression was petrified. It was as though someone had taken a picture of Loki and expanded it, making it large enough to cover him, because he was so still and was just staring towards the other doorway, the one that led in the direction of the bedrooms. He was just staring, eyes wide, face devoid of colour, just waiting. The only reason why Thor knew it wasn’t a picture – besides the obvious reasons – was because of the shaking. What was also terrifying was the fact that Loki hadn’t even realised that he was standing in the living room with him, like he was so horrified that all he could focus on was what put him in that state.

            All at once, Thor felt the anger sweep over him. He had remembered what it had felt like to stand on the outside, watching helplessly as Loki was brought this low. He had remembered wanting nothing more than to run in there and protect Loki, and he sure as hell felt that now.

            Dropping his backpack on the floor – Loki didn’t even hear _that_ – Thor took a few cautious steps towards him, not wanting to cause him any more fear. “Loki?”

            He didn’t know what to expect – the silence in the room was eerie – but he felt a rush of relief crashing into him when Loki snapped his head in his direction. The fear in his eyes dissipated slightly, giving way to the same relief that Thor was feeling. Thor started moving towards him and Loki immediately scrambled to his feet, all but throwing himself at Thor, arms wrapping around him so tightly, he could hardly breathe. But that was all right. Thor would gladly take a few moments of that than stare another second at the scared expression that was Loki’s face just then.

            “You’re okay,” Thor found himself saying, his arms wounding around Loki’s body just as tightly. While Loki was doing it solely for the protection, Thor was doing it for comfort, hoping that his steady grip would calm him, soothe the pounding of his heart, which Thor could feel so clearly. Turning his head towards Loki, he pressed his lips against Loki’s throat, his warm breath ghosting over pale flesh and a pounding pulse, hoping desperately that that would let him know that he wasn’t alone, that he was going to be fine. “Just relax. Everything is going to be okay.”

            “I don’t – he just came in and – and I didn’t – I couldn’t –” Loki stammered, his grip wavering from tight to loose, the pattern then repeating. He remained flush against Thor’s body, but he pulled his head back enough to where Thor saw how wide his emerald green eyes were, how panicked and ashamed they were, as though he was upset with himself for not being able to stop what happened, but not sure how to express that feeling just yet.

            It caused another dose of fury to spread throughout him, his grip on Loki tightening even more, because who in the _fuck_ did that bastard think he was?

            “I’m here now. I promise you this won’t happen again,” Thor had no idea where any of this was coming from, but he believed every word that he spoke. He loved Loki. He _loved_ him and there was no way he was going to sit idly by while Loki was broken and beat down. “Where is he?”

            Loki’s eyes widened when Thor pulled away, his arms suddenly scrambling to grasp a hold of Thor again. Thor would have gladly embraced and held him were they alone, but that certainly wasn’t the case now. Shaking his head, Thor gently took Loki’s hands and put them to his sides, holding him there. Despite how terrified he was, he needed Loki to listen and hear what he was saying.

            “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

            “No, Thor!” Loki gasped and jerked out of Thor’s grip, only to grab his hand in both of his, as though he could hold him back. There was no way. Thor was too angry and he would get that fucker out of _their_ house. “Please, don’t!”

            “He’s not staying here a second longer!” Thor found himself exclaiming. Perhaps using such a strong voice wasn’t the best move – Loki flinched at the volume and hunched his shoulders more – but Thor couldn’t help himself. He was torn between staying with Loki and getting that fucker out, but he realised that, in order to protect Loki, the house needed to be evacuated from –

            “I’m not?”

            Thor watched as Loki’s face drained of colour all over again. Thor was sure that, if he wasn’t holding onto Loki, Loki would have backed into the wall once more and crouched down, curling in on himself. He probably would have, but Thor didn’t let him go. He wouldn’t. Turning towards that voice, Thor braced himself, allowing his anger to re-surface as he glowered at Laufey.

            The fucker had the nerve to look smug, as though punching and grabbing his son was something to be proud of. God, Thor was absolutely livid.

            He took a moment to size Laufey up, taking in jet black hair that was the same as Loki’s and piercing blue eyes that reminded him immensely of Odin’s. He noticed other details that had been overlooked the last time he saw the man – high cheek-bones, a strong nose, a pointy chin that fit his face. Laufey’s cheeks were pink, too, and, the longer he stood in the room with them, the more Thor could smell faint traces of alcohol clinging to his skin and clothes. From what Loki had previous said, as well as Sif, Thor wouldn’t have been surprised if Laufey was drunk.

            “Get out,” Thor found himself saying when he felt Loki’s fingers instinctively tighten around his hand, snapping him out of his deep assessment of the man before him. When Laufey didn’t move – not one fucking muscle, as though he wasn’t the least bit intimidated – Thor found his voice rising, as well as his temper. “You have no right being in this house. Get out now or I’m calling the police.”

            Loki tensed.

            “Who are you exactly?” Laufey asked, cocking his head to the side. Thor clenched his jaw tightly. Those piercing blue eyes were sharp and calculative, taking him in much in the same way as he had earlier. There was amusement in those eyes, as well, a sick humour in the way he was staring down at him, as though waiting to see what he would do next.

            It doesn’t matter who I am,” Thor chose to say, straightening his shoulders, trying to make himself seem taller. Laufey was peering down at him as though he wasn’t to be taken seriously, and Thor didn’t like it one bit – or the damn height difference. “All you need to know is the way to the door.”

            “Why? This is my house, too. I help pay for it.”

            “You aren’t welcome here.”

            “And who are you to say that to me?” Laufey demanded, obviously fed up with the way the conversation was going. Thor couldn’t blame him – he was getting annoyed with it, too. “What the hell is he even doing in here, boy, huh?”

            The question was directed at Loki, but Thor could feel how he flinched back, as though Laufey had struck him. It was just another tally to his ever-growing hatred of Laufey, because how the hell could anyone do such a thing? Loki was strong and confident and he did everything that he could to take care of his family, and Laufey was hurting him, breaking him, making him shrink back in fear, as though he wasn’t valued or important in the slightest, when in truth, Loki was so important, so cherished and wanted and needed and _loved_.

            “I … he’s my – my boyfriend …” Loki stuttered out, his hands gripping Thor’s so tightly, he could feel the bones straining and shifting slightly. He didn’t stop Loki, though.

            Thor honestly didn’t know what to expect from Laufey, had no idea what he would do or say or re-act. Laughing, though … laughing was something that he hadn’t expected. Of course, the laughter wasn’t one of amusement. It sounded hollow, almost devoid of emotion. Against his control, Thor felt a shiver racing right through him, because that was the sound of someone who was unpredictable, of someone who had nothing to lose and didn’t give a damn. The sound had Thor pushing Loki back some, putting just a little bit more distance in between him and Laufey, because if there was one thing that Thor was sure of, it was that Laufey would not be putting another finger on Loki – not if he could help it.

            “That _should_ surprise me. My son is a fucking queer,” Laufey snorted and moved to the end-table. It was then that Thor realised that there was a beer bottle sitting on the faded wood. He watched with tension in his limbs as Laufey lifted it to his lips and drunk the entire thing. “What did it, boy? Was it cleaning my house, taking me to court for DUI’s that did it, that made you suck dick and get fucked in the ass? Was it woman’s work that turned you? Or is your mother selling you to whoever’ll take you to pay for what I refuse?”

             His words shocked Thor to the point where he couldn’t even speak. He felt his anger intensify, could feel it coursing through his veins, causing his heart to pound almost painfully against his rib-cage, but for the life of him, he couldn’t get over the shock of Laufey’s words, couldn’t get over how easily they slipped through the man’s lips, as though he didn’t care of the effect that they may have over Loki. Of course, _that_ thought was naïve and stupid of Thor for even taking into consideration, but still …

            “Go,” Loki finally said after almost a full minute of absolute silence – silence that was filled with nothing but thick, stiff energy, Laufey and Loki staring at each other, completely ignoring the fact that Thor was standing right in the middle of them. “Please, just … just go, leave.”

            Shaking his head, Laufey chuckled before putting the beer bottle back down on the end-table. “I’ll go,” He said, amusement clear in his gaze. “You’re nothing but a pussy, boy. It’s fucking disgusting.”

            “Get out!” Thor shouted. He couldn’t contain it any longer. Snapping out of his shocked state, Thor wrenched his hand from Loki’s grip and took a few threatening steps forward, only stopping when Loki grabbed his arm, jerking him to a halt.

            Past the anger and the overwhelming need to shield Loki from his asshole of a father, what was almost kind of terrifying was how little Laufey seemed to regard either one of them, as though he wasn’t in the least bit intimidated. He didn’t seem to care, didn’t seem to worry about what they would do after he left, like he already knew that he had control over the situation, that he had Loki so fucking scared that he wouldn’t call the police or get help from his uncles. And as Thor watched Laufey walk out of the house and out of sight, he knew that Loki wouldn’t, either. Because he _was_ too fucking scared to call the police or tell anyone, even though Thor knew Farbauti knew.

            The situation was so fucked up and tangled and twisted, Thor had no idea how to proceed.

            Loki sagged behind him, and Thor turned around, his arms rising to wrap around Loki, but he stopped himself, unsure if that was even wanted at the moment. He stared in concern, sparkling blue eyes watching, assessing, and searching for any other marks, places that Laufey tainted with his touch.

            “Loki?” He brushed the backs of his fingers against his bruised chin and, though his touch was gentle, Loki still flinched at the sensitivity – that or he simply didn’t want to be touched.

            “I’m okay,” Loki said voice soft.

            Pressing his lips together, Thor steered Loki over to the nearest chair and deposited him there before crouching down on his knees beside it. He didn’t know what to do, so he just sat there, holding Loki’s hand, watching as colour slowly returned to his cheeks.

            Loki had been still and silent for almost ten minutes before he yanked his hand free of Thor’s and reached for the empty beer bottle that was on the end-table, throwing it against the opposite wall, shards of broken glass falling over the floor. Thor didn’t even flinch, didn’t move when Loki leaned forward and ran his hands roughly through his hair, blinking harshly at the tears that threatened to fall from eyes.

            “I hate him,” He said, voice quivering just slightly – so slightly that Thor barely detected it. “I _hate_ him.”

            “I know.”

            Thor sank down until he was sitting in front of the chair Loki was in, his back pressed against the front beside his legs. He squeezed Loki’s ankle before leaning his head back. He sighed heavily, because he did know. Laufey and Odin were two different people with two different methods of controlling and manipulating and hurting their children. While Odin used clever words and hid behind the failure that was his dying company, Laufey used his fists and threats.

            Thor knew of the hate that Loki was feeling, because it was the same hate that he felt whenever he thought of his own father, of the way that he was treated and ridiculed and goaded into doing things he wanted no part in.

            “I know,” Thor repeated aloud to himself, his eyes falling closed when he felt Loki’s fingers thread through his hair.

            Loki saved him, and Thor would do everything in his power to save Loki in return.

-x- -x- -x-

            How he got himself into this, he had no idea, but Thor was willing to bet that it was planned in advance. Standing in the doorway, his arms crossed, and a pinched look on his face, he watched as Agatha ran around her perfectly ordered room, snagging things off the shelves, and insisting that they weren’t in the right place. As much as he adored the little girl, as much as he loved dropping down on the floor with her, set to play for hours on end, Thor was ready to call it a night. But she just wasn’t budging. Shaking his head and finally walking fully into the room, Thor wrapped an arm around her waist as she attempted to run by to yet another shelf and pulled her into the air, the sounds of her squeals piercing his eardrums. She squirmed for  just a moment before falling still, giggling and smiling up at him as though he was her everything. And, honestly, that sucker punched Thor right in the gut, because there was something distinctly different about the affections of a lover and that of a little girl who thought the world of him. It simmered the annoyance that had festered inside of him, caused him to gain a bit more control of the situation.

            “Agatha, you know it’s bed-time,” He said, keeping his voice gentle and open, but at the same time, firm. She had to know that just because he adored her precious little face, he wouldn’t give into her attempts. Thor only hoped that Agatha would consent, because his head was beginning to pound. “What are you doing?”

            “It’s not right, though,” She said, pulling her bottom lip, a pout framing her face, causing her cheeks to puff out. She truly was going to all the stops to stay up just a little bit longer. Thor snorted softly and started to walk her towards her bed, Agatha whining, her fists balling into the fabric of his shirt. “Thor, it’s not right! Mummy didn’t do it right!”

            “How about this: _I_ will fix it with you telling me where things go, but you have to stay in bed with your head on that pillow. Do we have a deal?” Thor asked, compromising. He bounced Agatha a little, pleased when she smiled and nodded her hand, her arms wrapping around his neck casually, as though she had always done it. And honestly … it felt that way to him, too.

            Swallowing back the adoration, the want to stay with her even longer, Thor carried her to her bed and deposited her there, waiting until she was in a comfortable position before pulling the blankets up to her chin.

            “Okay, tell me what to do first.”

            The box of puzzles moved to the adjacent shelf across from the window. The jewellery box full of beaded necklaces, bracelets, and rings moved onto the bedside table. Stuffed animals changed positions and order. Before too long, Thor started to notice even more things that weren’t in the right place, and he soon started moving them without Agatha even having to tell him what to do. And he talked. He wasn’t even aware of what he was saying half the time, quiet little jokes, vague memories of a childhood that wasn’t completely fucked up. Agatha was quiet in bed, her eyes following him, a smile crossing her face whenever he chanced a glance back at her.

            She was beautiful, her jet black hair standing stark against the pastel pinks and greens of her sheets and blankets. Her emerald green eyes had become unfocussed throughout Thor’s tidying up, her energy seeping from her as she started to drift off.

            When Thor finally finished, his headache a constant thrum against his temples, he came to a crouch beside Agatha’s bed, a hand coming to rest at the top of her head. “Is that better, ladybug?”

            “Yeah,” Agatha whispered, as though mirroring her tiredness. “Thor?”

            “Yes?”

            “Can we have pan-cakes tomorrow?”

            Thor smiled and stood up, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “We can have anything you want. Go to sleep now.”

            “I love you.”

            That word was becoming more and more familiar to him. After so long of wanting more than anything to know what it felt like to be loved, it had been almost intimidating for Thor to even hear the word, much less _say_ it. And when he had finally said it, it was to Loki. But when Agatha said it for the first time, when she spoke those three powerful words … it had been then that Thor realised that there were different variations of the word. While he already knew that, it was the experience that shocked him, the impact of the feelings shooting through him and warming him to the very core that solidified just how much he cared and cherished his new family.

            He loved Loki with all of his heart, wanted to be with him in mind, body, and spirit.

            He loved Farbauti and Agatha, wanted to feel – and reciprocate – their compassion and affection.

            He loved that he wanted and was willing to do anything for them.

            “I love you, too, Agatha.”

            Silently closing the door, his heart beating steadily, despite the emotions going through him, Thor made his way down the hallway. A tall glass of water sounded heavenly – his bed even more so. Loki was in their bedroom, cramming once more. The very idea of having to drag him away from those books made him almost groan; because that was the last thing he wanted to do at the moment. But not doing it would mean having to hear it in the morning when Loki had a migraine. Pulling out the band that had his blonde hair pulled back, Thor ran his fingers through the tangles, feeling the pressure lighten some.

            His mind lost in thoughts of how he’d pull Loki away from his studying, Thor jumped, startled at the sight of Farbauti in the kitchen. Emerald green eyes looked up from her purse at the sound of his footsteps, her thin lips spreading into a warm smile. It appeared as though she had just gotten home.

            “Hello, sunshine,” Farbauti said, all of her attention focussing on him. His heart – like all of the other times – clenched at the sound of the nickname she had given him, at how nonchalant and casual she spoke it, as she had so many times before. “How are you?”

            “I’ve been better,” Thor found himself saying, rubbing the back of his neck as he made his way deeper into the kitchen. The headache seemed to be travelling around his head, his eyes blurring at the constant throb. “How was your day?”

            “Normal,” She said, eyes narrowing. “What’s wrong, Thor?” Coming around the small island, Farbauti closed the distance between them and put a hand over his head, as though checking his temperature. The gesture had Thor smiling, despite the pain. “Sit down. Let me make you some tea. It’ll help soothe the headache.”

            Thor immediately started shaking his head, reaching up to take her hand. Farbauti was too kind, too generous. It was a trait that he envied about her, how large her heart was. “I won’t ask that of you. You worked all day and I’m sure you’re hungry –”

            “You didn’t ask and as your mother, I’m telling you to sit down and let me make you tea,” Farbauti interrupted the sound of her voice both soft and firm. She kissed his cheek and urged him towards the island’s bar-seat and, after a moment of hesitation, Thor relented. “I’ve hardly seen you this week. How are you doing?”

            There were certain things about each of them that he loved individually, certain things that he kept close to him at all times. He loved Agatha’s spirit, how she was full of energy and, despite the hard times that her family had had, she always had a smile on her face. It was encouraging and motivating, and Thor loved that about her.

            Thor loved Loki’s … everything. He loved that he could sit and talk to him about anything and everything. He loved that he could sit and not speak at all, his presence and company enough. He loved the way that Loki had changed him for the better, loved how Loki gave him strength and courage to do things he never thought possible.

            With Farbauti … Thor loved her as any son would, because she was the heart of the home. Even when he hardly knew her, she took care of him. Even when he had nothing, she made sure that he had her. And after the unease had left him, Thor had found himself seeking her comfort, found himself wanting to talk to her, hear what she had to say, offer him advice, and listen to his worries. She didn’t tell him what to do. She guided him towards his own solution. She cooked for him and protested against his rebuttals. She cleaned his clothes, despite the fact that he was willing to do it himself. She hugged him when she came home and kissed him on the cheek before he went to bed, and even though many teens his age had often complained about wanting their independence, Thor secretly yearned for the days to slow down, for the years to stop passing by so quickly, because he didn’t want to leave the warmth that Farbauti emanated.

            Before he was even aware of himself, Thor found himself talking, relaying details of his week. He spoke of the many adventures that he shared with Agatha, chasing her around the house – his heart sung when Farbauti gently scolded him for running around in the house – and how he and Loki had driven around to collect college brochures to start perusing through. He told Farbauti about the few dinners he, Loki, and Agatha had with Sif at the diner, the trips to the park, how Loki had refused to get on the swings, because of how the sway of the equipment made him nervous. And all the while, he drunk his tea, slowly feeling the way the tension in his temples eased into a dull pain.

            “You’ve had a busy week,” Farbauti smiled when Thor finally finished speaking. “There aren’t too many of those days left.”

            “Yeah … kind of sad about that,” Thor said, casting his eyes down to the countertop. He wondered if she knew what he was thinking, about how he hated the thought of leaving after finally getting to know what it was like to have a real family. The thought sounded stupid in his head, his cheeks heating up slightly, as though Farbauti could read his mind.

            “A door closes, another will always open. Change is hard, but family always remains,” Farbauti said as she came around the small island, Thor’s eyes rising to watch her approach. She came to a stop beside him, wrapping her arms around his large shoulders. “Go to bed now,” She said, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “We’ll talk more tomorrow.”

            Burying his face in her shoulder, Thor nodded his head and closed his eyes. He didn’t want to let go, didn’t want to pull away from her. He felt like a child, but he didn’t care. Farbauti was warm and glorious and ethereal and he had never felt safer.

            But he had to pull away. He was almost out of the kitchen before he stopped, turning back to Farbauti, catching her questioning gaze. “Oh, Agatha said she wanted pan-cakes in the morning.”

             “Chocolate chip for Loki and Agatha, blueberry for you and me,” Farbauti winked.

            Thor smiled. “Goodnight, Farbauti.”

            “Goodnight, my sunshine.”

-x- -x- -x-

            April was warm. The windows were open, the curtains swaying with the breeze. Thor was splayed out on the couch, his mobile resting on the cushion next to him, playing music that had Loki rolling his eyes after every song. Of course, that was precisely the reason why he wasn’t changing it – Loki constantly nudging him with his foot was just too much fun, his subtle hints going nowhere. Brochures were spread out around the couch and on the floor, all in easy reach of Thor and Loki.

            “Thor, the sun to my moon, my love, the pain to my ass, turn that fucking shit off or I’m going to break it,” Loki said, digging his toe into Thor’s thigh. Stretched out with his back pressed against the arm of the chair, Loki looked at Thor over a college pamphlet somewhere in Arkansas.

            “Why do you have to be like that?” Thor complained half-heartedly, pressing a button that muted the music. “You’re such an ass.”

            “Fuck yourself and shut the hell up,” Loki replied, emerald green eyes flicking over what he was reading. “I’m busy.”

            Tossing the brochure in his hand to the ground, Thor shifted in his seat and picked Loki’s feet up, placing them on his lap. He felt restless and he had a slight feeling as to why that was. “Why would I want to do that myself when I have you to assist me?”

            “You’ve become quite the cocky fuck, haven’t you?”

            “I wish Farbauti was here to hear this language. She’d kick your ass.”

            Loki smirked. The pamphlet almost covered his entire face, but Thor could see those beautiful emerald greens, and that was all he needed to see to know that he was smirking. “Yeah, she probably would. I guess it’s a good thing she isn’t here right now.”

            Thor smiled for a moment before feeling it slowly seep from his face, lips pulling down into a frown – or a contemplative look of concentration, as though he was thinking really hard, as though he were trying to figure out how to say something without causing quite the stir. And he was. What he had to say … he had no idea how Loki would re-act. A part of him wondered if he should be surprised at how much he valued and cared for Loki’s opinion and thoughts, but the more dominant part of him realised that talking to Loki about matters – important or not – were normal, something that was done mostly without even thinking, without even realising. It was just another show of how much trust they had built into each other.

            “You’re doing that thinking thing that I love so much,” Loki said dryly, pulling Thor from his thoughts.

            Glancing up, sparkling blue eyes full of uncertainty, Thor cleared his throat before swallowing thickly. “I have something to tell you.”

            “Obviously,” Loki said before glancing up. He must have realised how serious Thor was, must have seen the pinched expression, the tense shoulders, because he soon tossed his own pamphlet to the ground. “What is it?”

            “I don’t know if I want to go to college.”

            There. He’d said it.

            A plethora of emotions were shooting through him after the words were spoken. Half of him wondered what Loki was thinking. School, college, it was all so important to Loki, because it meant taking care of his family, it meant securing a future. But all of those things … it was exactly what his parents kept telling Thor, and though the circumstances were different, even though their words had been spoken for not his benefit, but their own … it still left a sour taste in his mouth – a past that had done him so much wrong.

            The other half of him was … well, the other half of him was relieved and almost giddy that he had finally gotten it out. The life that had been set before him was now questionable, empty and open for whatever Thor had in mind. He could do anything, go anywhere. He didn’t have to worry about making good marks, didn’t have to worry about paying for loans or hunting down scholarships, writing essays to impress professors and his other peers. He didn’t have to do something that he didn’t want to do.

            He had his life back.

            But what did it mean for him now? What would Loki think? He was quiet now, posture still, as though he was trying to process what Thor had just said. The position made Thor nervous, had his heart slamming against his rib-cage, because what if Loki was angry at him? What if he was frustrated and disappointed that Thor was just tossing an assured life away?

            He didn’t want Loki to think little of him after his revelation. God, he didn’t want Loki to hate him.

            “What do you want to do?” Loki finally asked his voice full of curiosity.

            “I don’t know,” Thor said, shrugging his shoulders. “And, to be honest, I don’t want to know right now.”

            And that was it. Understanding filled Loki’s eyes, the stiffness of his muscles relaxing, his body sinking back into the cushions. “You better cook dinner for me every night then when I come home. I can’t have you getting lazy on me.”

            Relief surged through Thor and, before he knew it, he had Loki wrapped up in his arms. Words couldn’t express how elated he felt. He felt foolish for even doubting Loki, for even thinking that he would be disappointed or upset with him. He understood, knew of the damage his parents had put him through, accepted that – at least, for a little while – he wanted nothing more than to live, to not have to worry about responsibilities and expectations. And that was okay. They were okay.

            “I love you,” Thor found himself saying into Loki’s neck. Perhaps he was squeezing him a bit too hard, but Loki wasn’t making any protests, was hugging him back just as tightly, so Thor didn’t ease his grip. “I love you so much.”

            Loki chuckled. “I love you, too. Now get off of me and help me decide which college to go to.”

            Grinning, Thor leaned back and snagged the closest brochure to him. He felt lighter now, as though looking at those brochures wasn’t a commitment he’d have to take. And, _God_ , did it feel good.

            “Where were you thinking? What State?”

            “Here in California,” Loki replied, leaning closer to Thor to look at the one in his hand. Definitely the wrong one to look at, since it was all the way in North Carolina. Loki sighed. “I’m not looking forward to those fucking scholarship essays … or the possible loans. Fuck my life.”

            “It’s not all bad,” Thor said, pushing him with his shoulder. He couldn’t stop smiling, and it grew when Loki glanced over at him, a smile of his own lighting up his face. Loki was truly beautiful.

            “Yeah, it definitely has its perks.”

            Of all the times for the moment to be ruined, it just had to be in that moment, right when Thor was leaning in, and getting ready to press his lips gently against Loki’s. He thought about ignoring it, really wanted to, but the shrill of his mobile ringing was too loud, and it would certainly ruin any moment he had hoped to create. Groaning, he pulled away, grabbing the device. After sending Loki an apologetic look – Loki didn’t seem too put out, leaning back and grabbing yet another college pamphlet – Thor stood up and moved away from the couch, heading into the kitchen. It was then that he looked at the caller-id, then that he realised who was calling him.

            It was his mother.

            He didn’t answer it. He couldn’t even if he wanted to. Thor found himself standing frozen in the kitchen, his mind racing. Though he was still absolutely furious with his parents and what they had done to him, how they had re-acted the last time that they saw each other, he couldn’t help but think about why they were calling him. Surely they weren’t stupid enough to beg for him to come back home. Honestly, they had to know that that wasn’t going to work. Perhaps Odin had gone bankrupt. But that wouldn’t explain why his mother would be calling. And then he couldn’t help but wonder why he was even entertaining any notion at all as to why they would be calling. It wasn’t like it was going to change anything.

            The mobile rang again.

            For some reason, it sounded urgent to Thor’s ears. Or perhaps that was just how the ringing sounded. Of course, he never noticed it in that way before. Shaking his head, Thor cursed himself for thinking so much about it. It didn’t matter.        Finger hovering over the TALK button, Thor hesitated for a moment, biting down on his bottom lip. Was it worth it …?

            Before he could give himself the chance to think any more about it, Thor pressed the button and brought the phone to his ear, his heart pounding, his pulse racing. “Hello?”

            “Thank God, Thor! Why didn’t you answer the first time?” Frigga demanded her voice high and almost frantic sounding. There were noises in the background, sounds that appeared to be moving quickly. He quickly forgot about them, though, when Frigga’s next words reached his ears. “I need you to come to the hospital.”

            Thor felt his blood run cold. “… Why?”

            “Your father had a heart-attack. They don’t … Thor, they don’t know if he’s going to make it.”

            She spoke some more, giving him details about what happened, walking in on it, things that Thor could barely hear over his franticly beating heart. He found himself sinking down at the island’s bar-seat, his head coming to rest on the counter, eyes falling closed. Dread filled him, eyes blurring to the point where he had to squeeze them shut to ensure that nothing fell. And he didn’t know why he felt like crying, why he felt like screaming and stomping his feet and throwing things around and breaking anything he could get his hands on. Perhaps it was because he thought he was forever done with them and now he wasn’t. Perhaps it was because his father could be dying and the last thing he said to him was words of hate and anger.

            Or maybe Thor recognised a trap when he saw one, had experience in the tricks and schemes of his parents, but knowing, ultimately, that there was no way out of this one.

            He had no idea when Frigga hanged up, had no idea how long he’d been listening to the dial-tone for. All he knew was Loki’s hand suddenly sliding up his back, coming to rest on his shoulder, the touch enough to have Thor taking in a shuddered breath to keep from losing himself completely.

            “Thor –?”

            “I have to go.”

            The words came out of him without him even thinking them. What he was feeling … God, he didn’t even know. Pressure pressed down on him, the weight suffocating, and Thor suddenly ripped himself away from Loki, pushing him out of the way as he rushed into their room, tears blinding his vision. He had no idea when he started to cry, but he was and he had no idea how to stop them, so he did nothing. It was just another tick to a world that was taking the control from him once more.

            Grabbing articles of clothing and a few personal possessions, Thor balled them up and stuffed them in a duffel-bag, uncaring of how wrinkled and ruffled or broken or ruined it would be once he took them out later. He just … God, he had no idea what to fucking do. All he knew was that he had to leave, that he needed to just …

            “Thor? Thor! What the hell is going on?” Loki demanded. He followed Thor into the room and came to a stop beside him, latching onto his arm to get him to stop and answer him, but Thor didn’t have the time, couldn’t stop, had to go –

            “My father had a heart-attack,” Thor blurted, angrily wiping away the tears before grabbing his backpack. He needed more clothes, needed his toothbrush and … what the fuck were you supposed to take to the hospital? He had to go, he had to fucking go, he should have already left – “I’ll be back in a few days. I need to go to the hospital.”

            Giving up, Thor tossed the backpack to the floor and grabbed the duffel-bag. Swinging it onto his shoulder, Thor put his hand on the back of Loki’s neck and pulled him closer, slamming their lips together, savouring, relishing … When he pushed away, he didn’t look back at Loki. His head was racing and his mind was moving in so many directions, thoughts swirling and making him feel disoriented. Loki was talking to him in a confused, alarmed tone, but Thor wasn’t paying him any mind. He couldn’t, because if he did, he would want to stay, but he couldn’t stay. Not now, not when his father was in a hospital bed, and why did he care? He didn’t know, he didn’t know!

            “Thor, will you just stop!”

            “I’ll be back!” Thor threw open the door and started at a jog. He had to run home and get his car, get to the hospital … “I’ll be back.”

            He chanced one glance back, one look at Loki standing in the doorway, at his hair jet black, eyes emerald green, beautiful pale skin …

            He couldn’t help but wonder why he felt like it was goodbye.


End file.
